Friday, September 4, 2009
I really wanted a word that began with F, but blathering's is kinda cool and so it's blatherings vs. ramblings....which I tend to do.
So it's Friday, the boss has left for a road trip and I'm getting a massage in 2 hours. Wow, over a year since my last one (which was also my first)....is it sad that I am excited? I hope not. And I guess even if it is, it doesn't change things ha!
Kings of Leon has been playing in the background as I've been working along, trying to get some things done, and succeeding in none of them. It feels like there are too many things for me to do, and not enough time. It's raining.....and the windows at home are open. Sigh. There is fabric for baby quilts calling out for cutting and I haven't been to the gym in days.
My cousin is getting married Saturday. Baby shower next weekend for one of the besties and we have no games yet. Time is running out on everything damn it. I spoke to the college because I missed fall enrollment. So now, transcripts need to be ordered, blankets need to be made, posters need to be invented........and yeah.......when?
I suppose the blog isn't helping right now LOL!
I was thinking about things.......my past, my present, my future. I have been reading some old blogs and I feel like I've come quite a ways from where I was two years ago, ripping pictures off of walls, loading cars up full of other people's junk...
I was asked today to pretend I got along with my ex. But honestly I don't hate him anymore. I don't particularly care for him, and I've worked hard to separate our lives. I'm not sure about how it "should" be but for me, I need separation. We're not "friends", we're certainly not lovers, but we share a child. I have worked hard to be pleasant but not too pleasant as to give off a false impression. I know that we need to work together with raising her, but we should both have an interest in doing so...he just seems to want her to somehow magically grow up to be a good person with little guidance or input. Heck, he told her she's practically an adult...at age 9. Sure, which means I should be able to retire next month too!
Sigh - to know before what you know after....what would you change? I don't know if I can answer that. I love my daughter. I wouldn't change her. I wouldn't change having her. So I guess I wouldn't change the experiences leading up to her. And I guess everything is for a lesson or something like that right?!
I don't feel like I'm bitter anymore, although I have comments from time to time, that perhaps would suggest otherwise. I am at a point where I can see myself one day being remarried...which is huge because two years ago, it was never a consideration. I think now, if I found the right person, maybe. Although time for dating and all of that is practically non-existent so I guess if I don't remarry it's because time ran out. I'll be ok either way. I just hope Peanut will take care of me in my old age. ;)
Anyhow, I guess I should close this out and get some work done. HAPPY FRIDAY! <3