Friday, September 4, 2009

4 September 2009 - 4:40 p.m.

My uncle just passed away. How ironic - my cousin is getting married Saturday (happy occasion) and my uncle passed away from cancer the day before. He had cancer. He was diagnosed maybe 6 months ago and is gone. And still he amazes me, his planning, even on his death bed. Just wow.

I started this Friday afternoon, right after my dad called. Three hours later as I was shopping for baby shower games I got a text from my cousin that a couple of our really good friends were in a horrible bike wreck and were taken to KU Med. She was thrown 45 feet from the bike, he was with the bike.

It's now Sunday afternoon, I should be cleaning but I am unmotivated at best. My cousin did send an update that he opened his eyes today and nodded yes. His wife is still unresponsive. They were both placed in a "chemical coma" to keep them sedated so the dr's could do their "thing" with surgeries, etc. They have three boys who need their parents home. They don't have insurance. She was taken by life flight to the hospital. Their bills will be exorbitant... They are really good people. If you're reading this and feel led to pray, they can definitely use the prayers.

This weekend has been filled with so many emotions.

Friday's Blatherings...

I really wanted a word that began with F, but blathering's is kinda cool and so it's blatherings vs. ramblings....which I tend to do.

So it's Friday, the boss has left for a road trip and I'm getting a massage in 2 hours. Wow, over a year since my last one (which was also my first) it sad that I am excited? I hope not. And I guess even if it is, it doesn't change things ha!

Kings of Leon has been playing in the background as I've been working along, trying to get some things done, and succeeding in none of them. It feels like there are too many things for me to do, and not enough time. It's raining.....and the windows at home are open. Sigh. There is fabric for baby quilts calling out for cutting and I haven't been to the gym in days.

My cousin is getting married Saturday. Baby shower next weekend for one of the besties and we have no games yet. Time is running out on everything damn it. I spoke to the college because I missed fall enrollment. So now, transcripts need to be ordered, blankets need to be made, posters need to be invented........and yeah.......when?

I suppose the blog isn't helping right now LOL!

I was thinking about past, my present, my future. I have been reading some old blogs and I feel like I've come quite a ways from where I was two years ago, ripping pictures off of walls, loading cars up full of other people's junk...

I was asked today to pretend I got along with my ex. But honestly I don't hate him anymore. I don't particularly care for him, and I've worked hard to separate our lives. I'm not sure about how it "should" be but for me, I need separation. We're not "friends", we're certainly not lovers, but we share a child. I have worked hard to be pleasant but not too pleasant as to give off a false impression. I know that we need to work together with raising her, but we should both have an interest in doing so...he just seems to want her to somehow magically grow up to be a good person with little guidance or input. Heck, he told her she's practically an age 9. Sure, which means I should be able to retire next month too!

Sigh - to know before what you know after....what would you change? I don't know if I can answer that. I love my daughter. I wouldn't change her. I wouldn't change having her. So I guess I wouldn't change the experiences leading up to her. And I guess everything is for a lesson or something like that right?!

I don't feel like I'm bitter anymore, although I have comments from time to time, that perhaps would suggest otherwise. I am at a point where I can see myself one day being remarried...which is huge because two years ago, it was never a consideration. I think now, if I found the right person, maybe. Although time for dating and all of that is practically non-existent so I guess if I don't remarry it's because time ran out. I'll be ok either way. I just hope Peanut will take care of me in my old age. ;)

Anyhow, I guess I should close this out and get some work done. HAPPY FRIDAY! <3

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Bucket List...

So I've been working on my bucket list. I have had the post partially ready to post for about 3 months...and it's still incomplete. Maybe I don't have the "time" to sit down and think of those things I want to do...or maybe putting them in writing is sort of prophetic......and if I fail to accomplish all of those things on my bucket list, maybe I'll feel like more of a failure so I put nothing down instead.....or maybe I'll feel like my list isn't long enough....

So for now.......on my bucket list - is to finish my bucket list :)

Passive Aggressive you have them?

current mood: Bewildered

So yeah, I came into work today and noticed my chair was lower than normal. No big deal because I know where the handle is to fix that kind of thing.

So I sat down, raised my chair and went on about my business. As I'm working along my supervisor (whom I share an office with...couldn't BE more ideal!) asks me if I fell into my chair. Hmmmmm I admit I am curious but I don't take the bait. "No, I noticed it was lower so I raised it."

"oh, so you saw before you sat down."

"well yeah, so I raised it up when I sat down"

(all the while thinking - are we really having this conversation.......about my chair........and why.........and is this a great day or what!?)

And so she tells me that SHE lowered my chair & my co-worker's chair because hers was lowered the past 2 days.

Ummmmmmm wow. I had no words. I still don't. I have no idea what you say to that so I just didn't answer.

And when she left the room, I raised my colleagues chair.......and yes, right now I am considering lowering that bad!?