Monday, December 31, 2012

A mom comes clean...

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD around age 7. The teachers had pushed and pushed for us to medicate her before but we were going through a separation/divorce and I really felt that most of her concentration issues at school were related to her life being torn up from that. Finally, after about a year I made the decision to try medication. Immediately she was a different child in school. She sat in her chair, all day. She was getting straight A's and building confidence in her little self.

She seemed to handle the divorce just fine too, which was a blessing. Thankfully we didn't have as bad of a divorce as other friends I'd seen. We didn't get along fantastically but DUH - that was why we were getting divorced. I realize some might judge because we didn't stick it out and I'm sorry you feel you need to judge. I'm definitely a better mother to her now, mostly because we had completely different parenting styles, and belittling the mother of your children is just an asshole move to make, especially in FRONT of your children.

Her dad immediately started dating and introduced her to a woman who moved with him 6 months or so after the divorce. I went on a few dates but didn't find anyone to hang out with and introduce her to for a while. I finally did date someone that I let her meet. He ended up being a dud for a few reasons. A year later, the 2nd guy I dated also ended up also being a dud. They both taught me things about life (good and bad) and in the end, the Kiddo was smart...she didn't care for either man.

Now, whether or not she didn't care for them because of their character or because she wasn't into sharing her mom - I'm not sure. I've now been dating a wonderful man for almost 2 years. He's amazing to my daughter and me. But still we have this sharing problem. And we are going through this rough patch. She is approaching her teen years. I took her off of medication almost a year ago because of some of the side effects. She's been doing amazingly well in school, despite her feeling that she can't do it without medication. I'm so proud of her for being able to get the good grades, etc. without medication. So proud. And yet - at home, she doesn't seem to understand things - like talking back is disrespectful. And she says she feels like I'm always picking on her. And she feels like I love the man more than her. She is especially clingy. I'm sure there's an underlying reason right? She feels she is losing me (but how because I'm always there!). The clinginess annoys me, and then I feel bad.

I decided to go back to school (while working full time, being a single mom, and dating - can you say crazy!?). When I decided to go back to school, I talked to her about it - and about how I'd need help from her. This help could range from quiet time so mom can do homework/read to minor chores around the house, and doing things without mom having to lose her shit. I'll tell her that I need to read/do homework and need quiet time. I go to my room to read or write a paper and she's in there 50 times if she's in there once. So I shut my door and feel bad.

Is motherhood all about feeling bad all the damned time? Because this is not fun. :\


VivC said...

This sounds SO FAMILIAR!!! I swear the apron strings must be tied to my butt, because my boy is always two inches from it!!!

Writers_block said...

Lord doesn't it wear on you? I'd like to turn around and NOT step on her. And I'm sure that later on, I'll miss that...right??